I get asked daily, “Are your boys twins?” – usually with excitement in their voices. I suppose twins are more exciting, and as soon as I reply with, “No, they are fifteen months apart,” the mood changes from excitement to, “Oh wow, you have your hands full!” Most days it is sincere but a lot of times I can confidently translate that to, “Oh, have you heard of birth control?”
The countdown has officially started for baby Olive. We are about 7 weeks away from her arrival. I am super excited and nervous at the same time. Days that are really difficult with the boys have me a little worried for how a newborn is going to fit in the mix, because yes, my hands are full at the moment, but my heart is also incredibly full of joy and love.
I have been thinking a lot about what my purpose is and what is the life story that I am trying to write.
As many of you know or have discovered by now, I am a stay at home mom. Yes, I do have a small(ish) cookie business on the side, but overall my main job is mom.
My stay at home mom story line never started with a job – my husband and I got pregnant during college. I mean, yes, I worked a few meaningless jobs during high school and college but I was never in the big girl work force. After graduation my husband immediately started his career and it was just assumed that I would continue to stay home with our infant. That’s just the way the cards fell.
It wasn’t till about a year and a half after Ryder was born that I completely without a doubt felt called by God to stay at home with my children. Times were getting a little tight financially so I just thought I would put my neck out there for my family and get a job with a well-known bakery. After the interview and the offer, I could feel God’s precious hands on my shoulders telling me “it’s going to be okay my child, I know that you may not have it all together, but guess what I do, so you don’t have to worry.” And that’s where my job searching stopped, and has never reconvened.
I know there are probably hundreds and thousands of blog post about being a stay at home mom, some/many are “pretty” and sugarcoated, but not this one.
Being a stay at home mom is HARD…can I get an amen?
There are so many days where I call my husband balling and telling him that I just simply can’t do it anymore. Those are typically the days where bowls of cereal were dumped on the floor because Jett wanted toast instead, Ryder is being a bully to his younger brother by taking toys causing Jett to scream, no one will listen to me and put on their shoes on when we should have left 5 minutes ago, and someone has to poop right before we leave. The list could go on but I will not bore you.
Why do I still do it? If you think about a stay at home mom the job description is pretty rough…
- The pay sucks. I can’t even start to tell you how financially freeing it would be for us to have another full time salary. Obviously, I am completely aware that child care would take approximately half if not more of my salary if I had one. Even just an extra $1000 a month would move mountains for this strapped for cash family.
- The bosses, are well, bossy and they seriously think the world revolves around them. Both bosses think I should be at their beckon call, or should I say scream, yes, that is one of the worst parts they SCREAM at me ALL the time.
- My bosses don’t see how over qualified I am, they give me janitorial jobs like cleaning up their messes and ask me to color and do puzzles all the time. They also expect a gourmet breakfast, lunch and dinner every day…okay maybe I am under qualified for that, but I try.
In all seriousness, I do it to see their smiles. Those smiles can be hard to come by but when I see it, it makes all the bad things about my little “bosses” disappear.
I am not going to waste the opportunity to hang out with possibly the two coolest people I have ever met, let alone created just because things get a little sticky at times.
On a side note for anyone debating on staying home…
- My advice is to PRAY. Seek God’s wisdom in this decision. If you do not have God on your side, each day being away from adult interaction and the satisfaction of completing a task is going to be that much more difficult. It will be very hard for you to find self-worth without looking to God.
“If you fully obey the LORD your God and carefully follow all his commands I give you today, the LORD your God will set you high above all the nations on earth. All these blessings will come on you and accompany you if you obey the LORD your God” Deuteronomy 28:1-2
- Chat about it with your hubby. Clearly this is a decision for the both of you. Each of your expectations needs to be laid out. I was blessed with a husband who provides me way more grace than I deserve. He understands that when he comes home, the house might be a mess, dinner may not be completed, there is even a chance that the kids will still be in their pajamas and I have no makeup on. For my husband, that’s okay, he steps over the Legos and manages to kiss me and tell me I’m beautiful.
- Now for the icky part…go over the financials. I am no accountant but I can go on and tell you, for many there is a good chance that things will not equal up. Make a chart or an excel sheet (if they don’t make you pull your hair out) of ALL your bills and expenses and be sure to check it twice, this will help you see if staying home is even possible. Be open to cut things, your lifestyle may have to change in big ways, which is completely fine and totally worth it.
Don’t let the rough days get you down momma. Enjoy the time when your husband gets home. I typically sneak off to the bathroom with my phone so I can pee in peace and watch Instagram Stories…that’s just life.
Sending some messy bun love to all,